I'm thinking about nine generic assumptions most people make, and ten alternative perspectives that may be a better guide to navigating reality. I want to start by considering the place of assumptions in our lives first, because they've gotten a bad rep. "Don't make assumptions," people say. But how can we not? And, really why shouldn't we? It's only those assumptions we don't realize are unfounded that get us in trouble, and only sometimes. And when we discover they're not correct, we learn, and improve our judgment.
Our daughter gave birth to a son a month ago. "She sent us pictures of the baby," I told my wife. "I forwarded her note to you." A few minutes later, she said, "Help! I don't get how to view the pictures!"
"You just click on the link in her note," I said. "It's not working," she said. "Come show me." (I've learned that whenever I tell her to "just" do something, it turns out to not be as simple as I thought.)
So I went over to my wife's iBook and clicked on the link in the email note I had forwarded to her. Instead of a group of very cute baby pictures, it opened Safari on a page with wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling random numbers. "Oh;" I thought. It doesn't work on her computer as it does on mine. She has an older operating system, and uses a different browser.
"Well, come look at them on my computer," I said, and she did.
The phenomenology of computers is that they each can interpret and display the same information in very different ways. What I get on mine is not necessarily what you get on yours. But we tend to assume otherwise. "Just click on the link!"
So discovering this unfounded assumption is useful to me. I now know that some things will look the same for each of us, and some things won't. Web designers know all about this, of course, and regularly test their marvelous new pages on several browsers before finalizing their design and giving it to the client.
The assumption used to be, "What I see is what you get." Now it's "What you see may not be what I meant; I'd better check."
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9 comments:
It is amazing how much we assume in our communication with each other! I think assumptions are absolutely necessary at times, so that we can move forward, but we need to check them out whenever possible. I usually find that my assumptions are incorrect or at least only partially correct, and then I reflect on how I arrived at the assumption in the first place and discover little (or not so little) jumps that I have made in my thinking that turn out to be false or inaccurate.
Right--I agree with you, John! We often need to act on the basis of incomplete information, because we seldom know everything we need to know, and yet we need to decide and move ahead. I think where we get in trouble is forgetting that we're assuming something. It's the unconscious assumptions that create the worst problems, and most unpleasant surprises.
I invite you and others to post further thoughts, provocative questions, and especially short story experiences with assumptions you made, and what they led to.
As an example of “what I see is what you get,” I enjoy sharing the story of a recent evening when Jennifer and Laura and I were driving across town. Jen had had a particularly difficult day at work, and was verging on tears as she related some of the day’s events and her concerns about the implications. Naturally I began to offer suggestions; her next steps seemed quite clear to me so I proffered them up without reservation, all in a spirit of helpfulness.
Jen fell silent. The eleven-year-old Laura, from the back seat, said, “Daddy? Like me, what Jennifer needs at times like this is kindness, not solutions.”
My instinctive and thoughtless assumption about what was helpful and appropriate was, in this situation, completely wrong. Problem-solving advice is what I would have needed and welcomed had I been in Jen’s position. My goal-driven results orientation was worse than worthless in a situation which really required listening, understanding, and a healthy dose of “poor baby.”
Thanks, Dave; that's a great example. And what a wise daughter you have!
I recently experienced a situation that felt somewhat complicated because of an assumption I had made. I was in conversation with two other people. One member of the group was trying to convey an idea, but seemed to be using so many words that I began to feel confused about the idea and I disengaged from the conversation. I made the assumption that the other listener in the conversation was having a similar experience. This assumption distracted me from being present in the conversation and telling my partners that I was feeling distracted and confused and needed clarification. I am learning that it is important to speak from my own experience in order to keep things clear . . . rather than projecting my experience on to others and making assumptions.
Perhaps one of the most tangled assumptions we can make is about ourselves and our capabilities.
I wrote a blog recently about a young man I saw on YouTube who made the first backflip in a wheelchair. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc1YdL_w1Hg) He didn't see himself as disabled, he just saw himself as a kid with wheels - fully capable of doing what he wanted with them.
I think that leadership is directly tied to our own individual ablility to see ourselves as fully capable regardless of the "wheelchair" we find ourselves in.
(For the full blog entry see: http://coignite.com/blogs/?p=3)
Thanks, for these great examples!
Kathy's story shows us how easy it is to assume that others are experiencing and interpreting a situation in the same way as we are. That assumption of shared experience can even lead us into a kind of trance, in which we stop being present, and temporarily lose our own ability to discern reality and act constructively on it.
Jeff's story points to the opposite possibility--that what we assume is a limiting constraint may only be a matter of perspective, and when we notice a surprising exception to that constraing we can wake up from our trance of disability and self-limitation. Isn't that a refreshing discovery?
"Greatness is always built on this foundation; the ability to appear, speak and act, as the most common man." (Shams-ud-din Muhammed Hafiz)
Saul,
I appreciate the gift you have shared with all of us of striking the delicate balance of questioning ideas AND the abiility to hold the space for multiple perspectives.
I am blessed with this gift everyday and make a concious choice to use it everyday,even when it is more tempting to take the shortcut of staying self-absorbed so as not to let other people and ideas change my reality.
I look forward to reading more updates on your blog. Intentional collaboration is more powerful than many people give it credit for. VIVA LA LUCHA!
Muchisima suerte y carino
Un abrazo fuerte,
Carolina
Gracias, Carolina!
Solo juntos venceremos--no contra otros, sino contra la ignorancia.
Thanks for your support and friendship!
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